Archive for April, 2009

Dear Ella,
You probably don’t remember much about your trip to Disneyland in April of 2009. 13 grueling hours of lines and concrete and brief, wild rides. The highlight of the day was your visit to the princesses. Your Aunt Pam waited in line for almost 90 minutes for you.  Just as you were about to go in the tent, you looked thoughtful and asked, “Do you think the princesses like spiders?”  I replied, “Good question! You should ask them. They’ve probably never been asked that before.”

You met Belle first. Clearly dazzled, you lobbed her a softball by asking if she liked butterflies. “Oh yes, I like butterflies.” Gathering steam (and encouraged by your aunts), you very seriously looked her in the eye and asked what was really on your mind. Do you like spiders? Belle stopped and then replied that she liked some spiders (a very diplomatic response) and you seemed satisfied with that.

Do you like spiders?

Do you like spiders?

Ariel was next.  You were very troubled about Ariel’s daughter Melody. “Your daughter Melody became a mermaid. She left you.  Are you mad at her?  Do you still love Melody?”  I think Ariel was a little taken aback at how concerned you were.  “Melody is my daughter. I will always love her even if she’s far away.” Maybe you’re prepping for the day you become a mermaid and leave your castle for the big wide sea.

One more thing. When you rode the roller coaster at Space Mountain, you screamed throughout the ride for your mother (who was in the car in front of you and might as well have been on the moon).  As the car slowed at the end, you said in a trembling voice, “That was really scary.” After a tiny pause, you brightened. “Can we do it again?”

These memories are a treasure to your parents and aunties.  We hope they will be for you, too.

Letterhead from the India Office

Letterhead from the India Office

The letter was dated August 3rd 1934 and began:

“Madam, I am directed to inform you that the decision to remove your son
from the Indian Civil Service was reached by the Secretary of State for
India after careful consideration of the results of an inquery into his
conduct and the decision must be regarded as final. Owing to your son’s
health it has not yet been possible to notify him personally but this will
be done as soon as his mental condition has sufficiently improved to render
it practicable to communicate with him.”

A year later a letter from the Medical Superintendent of an English mental
institution concluded, “I am afraid I cannot agree that your son has
improved so much that he is fit to be outside. He still has many peculiar
ideas and is very irrational in his conduct…he has quite recently made
unprovoked attacks on other inoffensive patients. He resents control and I
am sure he is quite unfit to be in a private house.”

Hidden within plain sight in a carved wooden box on my mother’s bureau
these letters introduced me to an uncle I never knew existed. I wish my
mother could have have answered the many questions these letters triggered
but her fragile mind had locked secrets away long ago and she was never
able to retrieve them.

Letter from mental institution

Have you ever asked the relatives or friends you grew up with if you could take a look at their home videos and photos?

Over the past few years, I have created several tribute videos for aunts and uncles. In order to accomplish this, I had to get photos and video from my cousins.  While combing hours of their family’s home movies, I ran across this hilarious clip of my mom and dad hamming it up in Halloween costumes. I had never seen it and neither had any of my siblings. Throughout this mile of footage, I found all sorts of precious history as the years of birthdays, Christmases and summer vacations played out in front of me. And I learned a lot about my cousins and their family watching them grow up again on my screen.

When searching for your history, don’t forget that there are treasures hiding. And not just in the shoeboxes under your bed.

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This is one of my favorite essays from the NPR show “This I Believe” entitled Listening is Powerful Medicine.  It reminds me of what a gift listening can be and how hard it is sometimes to just be present and let someone’s tale unfold. We need more people in our lives to say, as the old woman does in this piece, “Sit down… This is my story, not your story.”

When we interrupt or stir restlessly in our seats, we are taking our attention from our subject’s story and focusing on our own. We think we are just helping them along by filling in a forgotten word or asking them to jump ahead. “Cut to the chase”, I find myself thinking. But we are denying our subjects our full presence, our undivided attention.  And our desire and ability to be fully aware and present because our gift to the story teller.

This is a lovely tribute by Keith to his mom. She was the ultimate baseball fan.

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I have been boring friends and family for several years with unsolicited advice re: “record your parents”, “go see your great-aunt and here, take some questions to ask her”, “this is a momentous day for you; maybe you should write something about it for your grandkids”.  To which the response has been ‘uh huh’, ‘okay’ (translation: uh huh), ‘good idea’ (translation: okay, uh huh), and ‘I’ll get right on that’ (translation: leave me the **** alone).

So I was delighted when my friend D stopped by the house two days before she went to see her elderly parents. “I want to interview my parents.”  After being revived from my faint, I lent her my old Hi-8 camera and the book “Listening is An Act of Love” published by StoryCorps that contains, in the back, three pages of questions that will get even a reluctant mother talking.

Upon her return, I got this email, “I got my mother and father to sit for THREE interview periods.  I hope to heck it recorded and it had light and sound, I haven’t played it back yet.  My mother said she would be quite upset if it didn’t work because she wasn’t about to repeat it again!  My dad turned out to be quite a talker, go figure!”

We’ve got an edit date next week to look at the tape and duplicate it for her sister and nephew.  I am so excited that, at least for one friend, I no longer have to repeat myself.

Beg or borrow a camera and get out there!  Check out StoryCorps for suggestions.